As stated in nearly any blog about successful families and relationships – communication is key. It prevents major conflicts, misunderstandings, and other negativities. But how do we communicate successfully? Is there really a perfect recipe for anyone we are interacting with? The answer is – although each individual is unique, there are several ways that will lead to peaceful conversations.
To start off, communication is a sequence of three things: encoding, media, and decoding. Encoding is the sending of the message. During the process, we use media: it doesn’t necessarily mean social media, but it is the words, tone, or nonverbal communication we are using. Then comes decoding, which is when the receiver gets the message and tries their best to understand the true meaning behind it.
One of the main secrets for effective communication is expressing empathy. Find the truth that the other tries to say. It is obvious that during a disagreement, it would be a difficult task. We might think, “How can I agree with the way they are talking to me? The problem has occurred because of them! There is nothing I can agree on.” First, any conflict occurs because of both people and the message of the other person may be hard to decode but they have at least one truth to agree on. It might not happen right away, but that is why we need to take our time communicating. If both parties tried to think of at least one thing they agree on, one of the first benefits would include decreased aggression. In addition, put yourself in the other person’s shoes. In this case, when we do that – we might have a better idea about what others are feeling. If aggressive behavior is present, we would get a better idea why they are feeling that way. The next point is to ask gentle, probing questions to learn more about what the person is thinking and feeling. Whenever we are confused about that, we should consider saying something like, “I understand that you are unhappy about what I said or did, how does a [certain action] make you feel?”
Another secret includes assertiveness. That means using “I feel” statements. For example, during a conflict or a discussion instead of, “I hate it when you don’t help me!” we can take a breath and say, “I feel really tired and unmotivated and at times alone whenever I don’t get help.” A lot of times, we don’t want to talk about ourselves to not sound selfish. When it comes to communication, or sometimes conflict, we use “I statements” so the other person does not feel attacked. Moreover, express your feelings in direct, tactful manner. Do your best to be clear and don’t assume your loved one is able to read your mind.
In addition, respect is one of the most important factors/secrets to successful communication. Convey an attitude of respect, even if you feel frustrated or angry with the other person. Find a good time to talk to your loved one about the do’s and don’ts while having a conflict. Things like yelling will only make a problem bigger.
The summary of each advice given in this blog is to be intentional. It is okay to have a strong opinion, or have a disagreement, but the way the conversation goes is up to us and our loved ones. Even if it is not a conflict, never forget to communicate and listen to the other person. Express your feelings respectfully, find the right wording, and show that you love your family member despite of any situation.
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