Divorce

Divorce is a sensitive, at times uncomfortable, subject for anyone. Before anything, it is important to keep in mind that each person has their own stories and circumstances; therefore, generalizing advice for every family would be inappropriate. However, there are certain points to keep in mind when the topic of divorce comes up. “A big responsibility” is only talking on the surface.

One of the first things that comes up with divorce is economic separation. That means that partners have to separate all of their belongings, both material and financial. For some, it is a simple task, but for many – a moment for many decisions and compromises. Sometimes the choice is being made by the court but there are little things left behind that requires the couple to cooperate together.

Second is parent separation. This topic may be sensitive for many people when it come to which child is going to live with whom. Above all, the child should not be told that the reason for separation is one parent’s fault or the other. It is the problem that both partners are involved in, and it shouldn’t affect the connection that a kid has with their loved ones. In addition, people that are not part of the separating family should decide or assume who would be better for their children. Data shows that usually moms win the battle and stay with the kids, while dads either do or don’t help raise them separately. I believe that we should be careful with such wording because both man and women can make mistakes and both a father and a mother can become a good, independent nurturer.

Besides pointing out responsibilities, let’s talk about remarrying. I was surprised to find out that within my class this semester most kids are part of divorced families. The surprise came from the fact that we live in the Church community where families are a priority; and yet although there are many separated families – we just keep quiet about it. Some parents remain single throughout their lives, but others remarry.

It was interesting to listen to both the students and my professor when it came to teaching the kids after the second marriage. The main point was the fact that it would be better for the biological parent to do the heavy parenting vs. the stepparent. Let me share my personal experience to prove my point. When I was 9 years old my mom remarried a great man. The get to know you period was very fun and memorable, but through time we get “back down to earth” where teaching and disciplining of a child is required. I grew up with strict rules, but they were established by both my mom and my stepdad. Some may say, “If he/she is too bold with the child, I might be worried about my son/daughter and will lose trust with my new spouse.” I think it should all start with the parents and how they set the attitude of who presides over the family, topic of respect, trust, etc. I would never image saying something like, “Why would I listen to you? You’re not my ‘real’ parent!” My parents did a beautiful job at not labeling others by biological and step. I should respect what any of my parents have to say. Being a good example and communication is key! Therefore, especially in the beginning, it is important to be slow with heavy parenting, but later on (if both partners agree to it) both should put in full effort.

In conclusion, we learn that divorce and remarrying is hard. However, like many things in life it teaches us valuable lessons. The most important thing is to not be afraid and walk forward with faith! 😊